Anniversaries in my mind

June 19, 2013  •  4 Comments

It has been a month. I have driven over 4500 miles. I have crossed seven states and two countries. I have been visited by bears, moose and Germans. I have witnessed some of the most beautiful scenes of nature you can ever come across in your life. I had had over 1500 visits to my blog. I have taken almost eight thousand photographs and who know how many hours of video. And all that cannot even compare with the amazing feeling of relief I have today. Putting my life back in motion has ignited choices for change inside me, changes I was very in need of.

It has been a little over seven months since my life crashed and my whole world was sent into a whirlpool of new experiences hard to comprehend and manage; but today I feel redirected, I feel moving forward in my life and in my spirit. I can find sense to the steps I take every day. I also feel more connected with all the people who matter in my world and those who matter that are no longer in this world.

 

 

Today is the second year anniversary of my summit to Mount Kilimanjaro, by far one of the most powerful fulfilling experiences of my life. I climbed that mountain thousands of miles away from her, but she was with me all the way. Last week I came across a diary she gave me a couple of days before my departure for Africa. She wrote a note for everyday of the trip, she was anticipating every day of the hike giving me her support and telling me she was there with me, and she was. She was there with me when I arrived at the summit with Steve, Tammy, Denise, Joe and all the great African support guys. I feel so much the same way about her in this trip, I feel so much closer to her than I have felt in a long time.

I find moments during my long drives, during my hikes, during my rainy days inside my little trailer when I feel her looking at me, giving me support and advice on the new live I am building up day by day for the last month. May 28th was going to be our 14th year wedding anniversary. I was driving out of Jackson Hole Wyoming on my way south towards Utah. I had my GoPro video camera set in my dashboard. I was recording myself remembering all the great years we had together, the great marriage we achieved for such an odd couple like us. It was very enriching for me to recognize something we created through love, respect and basic appreciation of each other and who we were. When I was done talking, I put down the camera on the right seat and went back to focus on the mountain roads I was driving. Right at that moment a bold eagle flew by my window for what it seem a long time. I cried but it was a good cry, there were tears full of life, full of hope, full of closure. They were the same tears I offered her on the summit of Kilimanjaro two years ago.

Here is the video of me talking about our marriage, it is quite personal, touching and long. Watch it if you wish but it is just me reflecting on my years with Sue. It is a good healing process.


Comments

Geoff Wilson(non-registered)
Simply...thanks. Thanks for reminding me that there is more to feeding the spirit and the mind then what is in front of me today. Reminding me of my younger days when I chased those experiences, and can do so again. I know your doing this for yourself, but by sharing your inspiring and allowing all of us to grow just a little bit more. Another great example of what the human experience can look like. Keep going, I have no doubt you will finish this experience with the peace you seek....
...but would you mind finishing in New Zealand? Some warm beach pictures? Peace.
Sherry Garrison
Thanks for sharing Carlos. It was evident to everyone who knew the two of you how much in love you were. I know you are living your life now, just as she would have wanted you to...and I do believe she is with you on your journey. ... remember to live like there's no tomorrow and down the road... when the time is right hopefully you can love like you've never known sorrow. I know what an unselfish person Sue was, and I know that your happiness is all that she wished for! Carry on and enjoy the beautiful gift you've been given.
Pablo(non-registered)
All I can say is Amen brother.
Joe dunville(non-registered)
Hi CArlos I enjoy every blog your pal Joe
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